Cargo on Board

We made it!!  We have 2 Blasts on board as from today, which means 2 out of our 6 embies made it to day 5.  The sad thing is knowing we lost 4 of our bubs but as our FS said they would of never survived anyway.  If this cycle doesn’t work then she will pull out our last remaining 8 and grow them to day 5.

  I just want to get so excited but I know better but I think its because it’s a different way of trying things.

  I have just been transferred to a new work place and was explaining it all to a couple of the girls there and they were amazed on what us IVFers go through.  Two of them told me I am an incredibly strong person and its not the first time I have heard this, but you know what I don’t know if I am a strong person but I have to act that way to get through everyday life.  Yes we have now been through 11 transfers, a loss of a baby and continual failed cycles, but if I don’t put this very thick wall up then I would been in a padded cell a long time ago with never to be released on the door! 

  So Beta is the 31^st March.

#11

AF arrived today……. YAY!!  Today makes it day one of our 11th IVF Transfer and I tell ya I am feeling like the Nanna of IVF’ers lol.   Monday I start Proganova 2 tablets a day and then we are booked in for my scan on the 13th March to check hopefully my juicey lining.  We pray that one out of the 6 embies that are being taken to blast survive but if we get more then that is a total blessing.  One of the good things that has come out of this cycle is that we have beaten the price rise that happens the 30th March.

I want to get a slight bit excited about this due to having a new FS and a new proticole, but you know after all this time you just don’t do it because that big IVF toad is waiting to slap you right out of it.   You know what, we just want a break and after 6 yrs of TTCing #1, 4 yrs of IVF and a loss of our angel I think we deserve it pretty soon.

 Wish us luck guys.

FS Appointment

Had my appointment with my FS today, all went well. My glucose, thyroid
tests came back fine although spewing about the thyroid then I could blame
it on my weight lol. Also my testosterone was elevated slightly but I only
have PCO not PCOS and can stop taking metformin which I have been on for 5
yrs now.

So now the deal is we wait for AF to arrive, I will go on proganova twice a
day and the reason for not doing another natural is due to us doing our
first blast cycle. My FS wants to monitor my first cycle with her plus my O
ing was out this month by 11 days than normal which depressed me as it took
so long to get it to day 15 from day 35. She will do all my scans so she
can see what’s happening as my last Dr got my nurse to do it or the clinic.
They will take 6 embies to blast if none survive then she said we may skip
the rest of the 8 embies left and go for a fresh with PGD.

That’s it for now, hopefully af will be here end of next week and we’ll get
started.

Shazz.

Happy 2nd Birthday Our Angel

     

To a very Special Daughter 

We wish you weren’t

So far away

Then we could help

Celebrate your Birthday 

 Although we can’t be with you

On your special day

You’re in our hearts our Angel

In a very special way 

Happy 2^nd Birthday Chloe

All our Love

Mummy & Daddy.

xx

Appointment with new FS

 Had my appointment with my new Fertility spec. today.  First of all we were shown our embies gradings on her screen and we have 5 grade ones (best ones) 4 grade 2, 3 grade 3 and 2 other ones. She was a little dumb founded by no change in proticole 19 embies down the track and she also said how sad she was that we were still going 6yrs later and with the loss of a pg at 16w.  DH said she had a bit of a tear in the eye when he told her about the pg and that was going to be our only child and we were never going back for a second child.

  She has taken me off metformin for now as she feels that because my PCOS was never investigated properly such as the glucose test etc only BT & ultrasound also I had been on it for 5 yrs that I may not even need it.  She actually thinks I may only have PCO not the PCOS.  I am to have the glucose test on either the 14th or 15th Feb…… go on tell me its not a nice test, what could be if it goes for 2 hrs lol.

  My old FS hadn’t released my records yet so she was flying a bit blind with the whole think but asked so many questions.  First of all about genetic testing of both DH & I which honestly I couldn’t remember if we did or not. 

  So she has decided to take our embies to blast (grow to day 5) instead of day 2 and explained Melb IVF doesn’t really do it only on extreme occasions like us as they find couples lose to many embies and there is still no proof one out ways the other.  They will pull out 6 and take it from there but this won’t be done until after my appointment on the 18th Feb so she has time to read my notes.  Now if all the embies die during the defrosting for blast then we will do a fresh cycle and probably go to PGD (genetic testing of the embies)She also said if anything comes up in my notes in the mean time she will give me a ring, which I nearly fell off the chair as my last one never contacted patients, she will also do my scans. 

  We were then asked about both my PG’s and more so the last one and what tests were done on the baby more so genetic tests.  She has a slight suspicion that my waters broke due to the urinary tract infection or it might of contributed but if I do fall pg she said its more than likely she will monitor me through it all.  She then went into our feelings of losing the baby and the ttcing for 6 yrs etc  But she does seem to think we can fall pg again and more so with one of the frozen 14 we have sitting there because to how good they are.

  I have to say I left feeling more informed and alittle more hopeful than I ever did with my last Dr which is scary considering this is my 4th yr of IVF and 10 transfers later.  We also spoke to her about when enough is enough which she admitted it one of the hardest things any Dr has to tell their patients but totally understands where we are coming from and agreed to it.

Another Anniversary

Another sad anniversary has arrived.  It was 2 yrs today that my waters broke and our world came crashing down.     After 12 weeks you tend to think thank goodness I made it, but you know what….. never let your guard down and unfortunately once you have had a loss how the hell can you ever enjoy your pregnancy again. 

I will never forget the day I felt my waters pop and being 14w 5d your not suppose to feel them.  We are so lucky we got to spend nearly 2 weeks with her before I was induced, but I didn’t want to let her go knowing right up until I had her she was still alive.Still to this day I sleep with her little bed she was presented to us in next to my bed, it also has her little hat on the bed.  I can’t let go of her and you know what I never will, how can I she is my daughter and my first born.  We tried 3 ½ yrs to have her and the money for IVF doesn’t even come into it because how can you put a price on a life.  But 6 yrs now and we are still hoping and praying for our miracle.Its amazing how you can miss something you never really got to know, how you can miss a pregnancy, miss being called something you never got to hear….mummy.  But most of all I just miss my daughter Chloe Jade.   

On Tuesday we have our first appointment with our new IVF Dr and I so can’t wait, its almost making me feel those feelings that I felt when we were having our very first appointment 4 yrs ago.  Holy crap 4 friggin years ago, boy doesn’t time fly when your not having fun.  Four years of pills, injections, inserting things, things being inserted, blood tests, timing, crying, screaming, yelling and to a certain point……. Being over it.  So heres hoping she changes a lot of things and gives us just that little glimmer of hope that both DH & I need.  I mean how can we fall pg and it be cruel enough that it never happens again. 

I got away with it!!

Oh it has been a while hasn’t it.

 Last night will go down in history as the first time I have got away with a lie and my husband not being able to tell!!  I am such a bad liar and he knows it, he can tell just by my face when I am fibbing lol. 

Back in October I had planned to throw him a 40^th Birthday on the 26^th January 2008 (His Birthday 24^th).  I organised the invites etc then only for him to tell me he no longer wanted it!!  So I didn’t think anything about it until he started mentioning things about his 40^th and were we just going to have a BBQ or something, so again I started to think and yet again he changed his mind and this went on right up until a week ago.  I decided I was going to be blamed for not organising anything so behind his back in one week I organised about 20 people, including his new boss and his wife whom I have never met but thank god for email, a surprised dinner at a restaurant.  DH thought it was just us two going out for dinner as I told him it was too late to get everyone together in a week and I had arranged it for the 9^th Feb.  Well we got there and was taken to our table and to his surprise there was everyone, with them singing happy Birthday to him.  I can’t tell you how much I was stressing all week that someone would blow it and I now can tell you how relived I am it’s all over and I will never organise a surprise party for anyone……….man its too stressful lmao!!

2008

 

Happy New Year Everyone!!  I hope you all had a safe one and there are not too many hangovers out there right now. Not only did I have to work today but good old Mother Nature has given me the ovulation pain from hell.  I swear my ovary is trying to pop out a chicken egg, either that or my reproductive system is stabbing me for a bit of fun. 

It’s only 28 days till we see our new FS and I so can’t wait, just to have a fresh outlook on things.  At first I was worried about changing but the other night I though stuff it I don’t owe him anything and even though we did get pg with him once I just think it was pure luck at the time.  So here’s hoping the new year brings some new changes.

Christmas 2007

Well another Christmas has been and gone, but I wanted to share with you a present my DH bought for me from my Angel Chloe.  Its in the picture above and on the card it said ‘This gift is something to hold everytime you want to think of me, it will bring you warmth and it will give you lots of smiles’.  I think this is the best present ever.

It was a little sad for both of us yesterday, we both kept thinking about bub and how she would be 16 months, probably her first christmas where she would be laughing and giggling and making a mess of the house.  We both miss her so much and would give anything to have her here with us.

And the Result is…….

Transfer #10 – Another BFN.