17 weeks

I managed to get hold of a computer and so sorry for no updates.

I am 17 weeks and we made it past another mile stone as it was the day I gave birth to our Angel, so you could say I have never been this far along before.  I am now in maternity clothes, the stretching has settled a bit and the best news ever…….. . I think I felt bub move on Monday and it was the best!!  My FS also phoned me last Friday to check up on me and see how things were.I have all my appointments in 2 weeks, first my 18w OBS, then my 18w scan and then an appointment at the hospital.  I have to say I am hanging out for the scan.  I will post a pick today of my new bump that I love to let hang out, its the one time I don’t have to hold my gut in lol.
 
I had a fainting spell this week. I went into my old store to visit the staff and it was so warm and yep i went giddy and had to lie on the floor, was so weird the way it came over.  Also I have been waking at 3am because i am hungry as, I think this baby is super sizing its food and I tell ya its bad enough having to pee all night let alone being woken up cause I am friggin hungry!!

 

 I have been getting some sharp pains down below and of course freak out everytime I feel a sharp one.  I just think its all going to happen all over again, I really think myself into the whole thing and then have to pull myself back and say no, no its not going to happen again but unfortunatly my brain wins over.  I am not even half way yet and every day scares me more and more, I just so want to enjoy this I desperatly do. 

I finish work in 4 weeks and I am so glad, I am just soooooooo tired and to be on my feet at work is killing me, yes easy sit down but its the mental thing of the job.  I just feel like I can’t get enough sleep.  I read in a book that we wee told to get as much sleep before bubs is born but as she said its starts before that because you can’t get comfortable in bed, your up peeing all night then it takes ages to get comfortable and fall a sleep again.  I think there should be a bed designed where you can pull a bit out of the mattress that your tummy can fit into……..can’t hurt!

Will update you as soon as can, hopefully will have a network card soon.

We’re ok.

Yes I know bad girl but I do have an excuse.  We have been house sitting for my hubbies boss and he forgot to leave his network card before he headed overseas for 6 weeks so I am going through big withdrawls right now and we still have another 4weeks to go argggggggggg.
Well we are 13w tomorrow and I have to say it is getting quicker. I had my Pre-natal bloods done last thursday, my NT scan done on Monday and my first OBS appointment on Tues.
The scan was great, just to see our little one lying there not over exerting itself but managed to raise a hand and thats all lol. We got to see little fingers, placenta pumping away and little limbs and for the first time the heartbeat. Unfortunatly bubaloo wasn’t moving for anyone no matter what, it was poked, proded and I even had to do a couple of sit ups but nope it was staying put but did mange to raise its hand to its face which we think could of been telling us to buzz off and let me sleep. The Dr said that it was all good and if bub stays like this it could mean we may have a sleeper on our hands when its born. I just think it was practicing holding the remote control………. so we are tipping boy lol. It was so diferent from when we had our scan with our Angel Chloe as she wouldn’t sit still, infact it took him 20 mins to try and measure her NT fold but not this one.

Our OBs appointment was fantastic, he was so excited to see us back, infact when he was examining my tummy he was looking at me and said I am so happy for you two and you both so deserve this so much and he started welling which in turn set me off lol. Him and his wife have also been going through IVF which is one of the reasons I chose him 2yrs ago when we were pg with Chloe so we know he understands. He wants me to go and have a cervix scan at 14w as well as a UTI test again, back to have a 18-20 w scan with his radiology partner and the thing I was over joyed at……….. he kept me on the pessaries and proganova until nearly 15 weeks! I was so looking forward to getting off them and now another couple of sloppy weeks to go, but I know its all for a good thing. He has put me on the emergency scan list, so if for what ever reason something doesn’t feel right I can ring them and I can go in anytime for a scan.
I had a breakdown early this week as I felt pains lower down in my tummy but my OBS reasured me it was ligament stretching and maybe ripping.  But after the loss last time and remembering the pain then I just freak at any pain now.  
We lost our Angel in in just under 2 weeks time last time and its starting to do my head in, I wish time would slow a little.  They still can’t tell me why my waters broke last time and I just couldn’t handle it again infact I think that would be it for trying again.  But I have to think of this as a different pg and treat it as such………… yeah right, unfortunatly the brain wins over everytime!

It has been a while

I am sorry I haven’t been in blog land for a while and yes everything is ok.  I have decided that this Blog won’t be password protected, what you see is what you get and after 6 yrs of trying for a Baby and the loss of one 2 yrs ago I want to continue sharing my journey.  If you don’t feel up to it I totally understand.

We had another scan last week at 9w 1d and bub is perfect.  Bean measured 2cm, strong heartbeat and good size.  Me on the otherhand has had night sickness which kicks in about 3 everyday, can’t eat chocolate of any kind is is devestated lol I mean I still have a fridge full of easter choocolate and I can’t deal with it, my pleasure is gone lmao.  I am very tired in the afternoons and could sleep where I am standing which is not a good thing as I work in retail lol but we have decided I will start Maternity leave on the 25th July when I will be 20w.  Honestly it’s only starting to kick in that this is real again well besides the constant stretching pains, tiredness and the neusea oh and not to mention the 3×400mg pessaries I have to insert everyday until 12w 2d.

One thing that is playing on my mind is the thought that in 4w 5d my waters broke with my Angel Chloe.  How do you get something like this out of your mind, how do you stop yourself from thinking its going to happen again??  I mean you have never been given a reason why it happened in the first place yet are told it may not happen again……… well what if it does, but what if it doesn’t and I pray everyday that it doesn’t.

 

Our First Scan

We have one perfect Bean on board with a heartbeat of just over 120 so I think Boy lol.  I have to stay on progesterone till 12w not 10 which is good. 

 

My FS has a bit of a concern about how we lost the baby last time as the only thing that shows is a UTI which means now I am on regular pee tests which is fine with me.  She also voiced her opinion that I should give up work, we sat and had a good chat about it and we totally understand what she is saying but we want to make it to 12w before we start thinking about that.  Man I would be ready to give up tomorrow lol, but the best thing is I think she has made DH really think about it and at this stage it probably be about July that I stop.  She just explained how important this PG is and as my waters broke for no reason at all last time that we could afford to risk anything.  She is willing to write anything in a letter to my employer about my duties, so she told us to go away and write one and she will type it up and sign it.

 

My FS is keeping me in her care up until I see my OBS with another scan booked for the 5th May and then she will sign me over and classify me as a possible high risk pg.

 

So now we take every day as it comes but for today we are absolutely beaming!

 

Thanks so much everyone again for your support and love.

 

6 Weeks

 

We’re 6 weeks today and only 5 more days till our scan.  Yes we have had another scare 2 days after our last one so off for more bloods and Beta came back at 11000.  So in 2 days it had gone from 4906 to 11000 and everyone was happy, well nearly everyone…….. to see brown stuff still coming out of you freaks me out everytime and we have been told as long as we are on the pessaries its probably going to keep happening.  Apparently I can come off the pessaries at 10 weeks but 12 weeks sounds better to me.  Its just doing my head in and I thought the 2ww was bad enough.

 

I have been getting heaps of stretching pains at night and am still a little scared to go to the loo, but I guess I am going to have to get to a point where I have to try and trust in my body.  In saying that though I know until we get past our 2^nd trimester I won’t be able to relax, I mean how can I knowing what happened last time, 14w 5d and my waters went pop.  My FS seems to think that part of it maybe could have been cause by a UTI so I already have myself on Cranberry juice and will try and manage one glass a day as bitter as it is and when I see my FS on Friday I am going to ask her if there is anything else I can take to prevent it.

 

So our little one I know you have snuggled deep because I have had the pains and blood tests to prove it.  This has been a different pregnancy to you Angel sister Chloe, less peeing, more stretching and more gunk coming out of me.  Your dad thinks there are 2 of you but mummy thinks its just one strong one who we are hoping we get to see in 7 ½ months time.

 

Thankyou so much for all your messages and support over the past couple of weeks and all the lurkers welcome.

Scare and 3rd Beta

Sorry I haven’t updated but I have been working all weekend and then yesterday I woke up to find when I wiped that there was red blood.  As you could imagine I was stunned for a few minutes and then phoned my nurse.  She got me to have another pessary and then come straight in.  I rung hubby and he met me there. 

 

All the way there I just kept thinking why give this to me if your going to take it away from me,  its almost like I am stoping myself from getting excited in case I lose it.

So we arrived and my nurse said it could be my body is just trying to have AF, called me a difficult child and then took my blood.  She said she would call me about 1.30 and by 3 I was nearly hyperventilating!!!

 

So after my nurse had to have a fight with the path lab, the bloods came back at 4906 at 5w 1d and might I just say OH WOW!  This is a strong little one and I am so happy its snuggled in.  I am having another BT on Thursday just for peace of mind for myself and that if I hadn’t had the bleed she would of told me not to come back.

 

Well woke up this morning and yep there was that red colour again and to be honest the only thing I can put it down to is that the progesterone pessaries are irritating me and making me bleed.  Luckily my FS rung this morning and she told me that is very common for early pg bleeds and not to stress to much.  I mentioned the pessaries and the irritation and she said it could be the reason as we increased them both nights before the bleed but I have to stay on them.

 

Will update you on Thursdays results.

Some More News

I had my second Beta today and it came back at………… 986 so it’s more than tripled and we are rapped!  Got to speak to my FS today as she said they are very happy with the numbers but just wants to keep an eye on my progesterone so I will have a BT once a week until my scan on the 18^th April. 

Our Bub is due the 7^th December one day after my Dad’s 60^th! 

Honestly I still can’t believe it but its slowly hitting home cause I am feeling every niggling pain that I get, then I’m off to the loo to check.  I know I know its only just begun. 

Thankyou to everyone that commented on my Blog it’s absolutely flattering, I didn’t realise I had so many lurkers.

Some News!!

I am Pregnant!!!  Beta came back at 260.  Early days still but after 11 transfers we are

sooooooooooooooooo happy.

Cargo on Board

We made it!!  We have 2 Blasts on board as from today, which means 2 out of our 6 embies made it to day 5.  The sad thing is knowing we lost 4 of our bubs but as our FS said they would of never survived anyway.  If this cycle doesn’t work then she will pull out our last remaining 8 and grow them to day 5.

  I just want to get so excited but I know better but I think its because it’s a different way of trying things.

  I have just been transferred to a new work place and was explaining it all to a couple of the girls there and they were amazed on what us IVFers go through.  Two of them told me I am an incredibly strong person and its not the first time I have heard this, but you know what I don’t know if I am a strong person but I have to act that way to get through everyday life.  Yes we have now been through 11 transfers, a loss of a baby and continual failed cycles, but if I don’t put this very thick wall up then I would been in a padded cell a long time ago with never to be released on the door! 

  So Beta is the 31^st March.

#11

AF arrived today……. YAY!!  Today makes it day one of our 11th IVF Transfer and I tell ya I am feeling like the Nanna of IVF’ers lol.   Monday I start Proganova 2 tablets a day and then we are booked in for my scan on the 13th March to check hopefully my juicey lining.  We pray that one out of the 6 embies that are being taken to blast survive but if we get more then that is a total blessing.  One of the good things that has come out of this cycle is that we have beaten the price rise that happens the 30th March.

I want to get a slight bit excited about this due to having a new FS and a new proticole, but you know after all this time you just don’t do it because that big IVF toad is waiting to slap you right out of it.   You know what, we just want a break and after 6 yrs of TTCing #1, 4 yrs of IVF and a loss of our angel I think we deserve it pretty soon.

 Wish us luck guys.